I'll find you in the morning sun and when the night is new

You are the slutty whore to my dirty mistress.

You are still my person.

I'm here for you if ya need me bud.

I want to hold your hand.

I want you to make me soup when I'm sick.

I want you to come over and watch a movie that I want to watch, despite it being a chick flick, because I'm sick and I should get to pick.

I want you to make plans with me before you make plans with anyone else.

I want you to tell me good night and good morning.

I want texts every now and then to remind me that you're thinking about me. Are you even thinking about me?

I want you to want to spend time with me, even if its just for a few minutes.

I don't want to sit here alone letting Alex feed my self doubt, wondering who you're with and what you're doing. Because it's really hard for me to trust people. And you're not making it very easy. I want to trust you but it can't be a one sided thing.

Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful boy

The only things they have in common is that they're all talented, all gorgeous, all have my heart, and all smoke.

If you could pull that rope just a little higher, We would dangle alone like a firefly

Your timing astounds me. Really.

I think I have the plague. My muscles ache, my throat hurts, I can't sleep unless I drug myself with a heroic dose of Nyquill, my head is killing me, and I feel nauseated. And it doesn't matter how I feel tomorrow because I still have to go to school thanks to Mr. Richter. Coooooool. I can't even stand for long periods of time. I had to sit down in my shower so I didn't faint or throw up. My mom wants to take me to the hospital BUT CLEARLY the important thing here is our visual assessment presentations on Friday. I hate high school...

I hope Jesse can come over tonight and watch a movie with me. My mom isn't gonna let him though. bah.

Hopefully some Rufus will make me better. And valley dairy chicken noodle soup from Blaine.

All I can do is just pour some tea for two

This feels different. But it's ok. I can get used to it. It's good.

You guys suck. That really hurt. I feel like you guys don't even like me and keep me around because you like her so I sort of come with the territory.

Last night I had a dream that Mrs. Penzera was driving me and theresa to some college in a rental car. She kept putting her feet on the seat and getting it dirty and I kept trying to brush it off. Then we got there and we had to share a bed in a dorm. My feet hung off the edge. All these people kept coming in, but ande was the only one I recognized. I pretended to be asleep so I could watch all the people. Then when we woke up my hair was all messy and they offered us two different kinds of gum- orange bubblicious and this fancy peach gum that was shaped like peaches. They told us we had to use up the orange first, but theresa grabbed the peach one anyway and screamed because it was so good. Then she kept licking the box. I laughed and told her to get a hold of herself. Then I woke up.

I'll come running back to you

i love that i'm your comfort smell.

I gave you the best of me. Got my collection of photos and that old box of letters, gonna soak 'em up in gasoline.

I'm in the right mind to delete this blog. I'm NOT ok with what happened today. You had no right. Don't you realize that maybe there's a reason why I didn't tell the cast of the entire musical about my self doubt and self confidence issues?

I have never been so embarrassed. Never.

I have a dream, a fantasy, to help me through reality

What's the point of dating someone if you can't see yourself spending good amounts, if not the rest of your life with them? Isn't that the point of dating? To find someone you will marry? So if you meet someone and think to yourself 'Wow. I really like them. I couldn't totally see myself married to them.' then whyyyy don't you ask them out on a friggen date? Ugh. It's so FRUSTRATING. It's not like it matters, because the only reason I'm interested is because he's a rebound from someone that never even happened that I can't get out of my brain. I am independent and I am me and I really DON'T like feeling crippled because of another person... or lack of a person, for that matter. I did not want to be in a relationship. I had it all worked out. And now thanks to one person that probably puts me out of his head the minute I'm out of the room, everything is all messed up and now for the first time in my entire life I'm being denied something that I really want. And for the first time in my entire life I don't know what to do to get what I want. I sound spoiled, dramatic, and manipulative and maybe I am but I don't care.

Sometimes when I can't sleep, I pile up the pillows on the opposite side of the bed and cuddle up next to them. I pull the covers tight and hold Oats close and pretend you're sleeping next to me, holding me. I pretend that your arm is draped over my waist and your face is in my hair and I lightly run my fingernails up and down my arm, pretending it's you, until I fall asleep.

I want you to read this so bad, but you probably won't....