Soul destroyed with clever toys

I was just looking at really old pictures of myself on facebook. Its funny how much a person changes in just a few years.

My grandma sorta squeezed my mom's hand today. I'm so happy....things might be looking up.

Jimmy lied about his cancer. And when I say lied about I mean like it doesn't exist. My reasoning:

1) He said the tumor was on the right side of his heart. He also said that the tumor would hopefully be passed to his liver. The blood from the left side of your heart goes to the rest of your body. The right side goes to your heart and lungs. Not your liver.

2) You can't pass a tumor like a kidney stone. It's a growth of cells, not a little ball or something floating around. Plus that's two different systems- your cardiac system and your endocrine system (I think).

3) He says that he's taking 40 pills a day. Andie and I searched his entire apartment. There were no pills to be found. When we asked him about it he said that they had him keeping the pills at the hospital since he's in rehab. But they're not narcotics. They're blood thinners.

4) We had him take off his bandages on his arm from all the IVs and shots. There were no bruises or any marks from the needles, which would have been from the day before we saw them. If he's on blood thinners, there would be bruises. And if they were tiny needles, there wouldn't be bandages. They would have used band aids. 

5) He hasn't told any of his family about it.

6) It's all he talks about. He refuses to talk about anything else. Anyone else that I've known that had cancer didn't like to talk about it. 

So I feel like an idoit. I believed this kid all along that he has a good heart and had a hard life. I'm so stupid. I swear to God, if he comes near me, I'm going to run him over with my car...then back up and do it again. 

Today wasn't too bad. I went to church and the mall and then just kinda chilled around my house. I may have found someone to go to homecoming with. But I dunno. He goes to hempfield. I'd rather go with someone I already know. I might ask James. I don't know if I'm brave enough to ask. haha...that'd be funnier if it wasn't true.