You know what you gotta do. They all depend on you. You already know how this will end.

Soooo the other night I was bored and hungry, and a little out of it. So I decided to make a cake. I didn't really see it as anything important...i was just hungry and I had a few dollars and I was driving past Giant Eagle. So I got cake mix and went home and was baking the cake (and I did it all perfectly....I remembered the water this time...which is a personal accomplishment. Go me) when Alex Kessler texts me. And we're talking, and he asks what I'm doing, so I tell him. And he was like 'why?' and in my head I was like '...do I need a reason?' and he goes on to say 'that's what I like about you. once you get an idea, that's it. you do it no matter what anyone says.' And for some reason, that's really been bothering me for the past few days. First of all, it's just a cake. It's really nothing to get all worked up about. I baked it because I wanted to. I didn't really think you need to have a special occasion. Secondly, yes, I'm incredibly stubborn. But honestly, if someone had asked me to not bake the cake, I wouldn't have. It is, after all, just a cake. But nobody tried to stop me. So where did you get off with the idea that someone did, Kessler? And finally, out of all the things to like about me, you like the fact that I decided to bake a cake? Excuse me? No. You don't even know me, so don't act like you do. Just because we had one conversation that lead you to learn some of my favorite bands, or what my favorite color is, or the fact that I don't get along with my dad doesn't mean you know me. What's my happiest memory? Why do I like the color red best? What am I afraid of? Nobody has ever cared to ask, including you Alex. Anything you know is just on the surface. You're not my best friend. You don't get to comment on my baking. So just stop.

I realize I just ranted about a cake. I'm pretty sure there's some underlying themes or issues there. I've just been thinking about it. I didn't really see how much I've been thinking about it till I wrote it all down. I'm sorry...I kind of went a little crazy about that.

Jimmy told me today that he's going into rehab...I'm glad. I hope he can stick to it. He's already been through rehab before. I hope it works better this time. 

My grandma's really sick. She's dying. I think she's going to get better. I hope so. My mom doesn't think that I care about her because I don't go visit her in the hospital. I can't. I can't do hospitals....especially because I adore my grandma and I can't see her like this... because what if she does die and then that's how I remember her? I've been dealing with it by making myself numb. Its not really working. 

I hate when people say they think something is wrong but they can't justify why they think so. Same with why they like something. Or why they think something is beautiful. Or ugly. I just hate when people can't tell me why they think things.