How do you sleep?

I know what it feels like to be abandoned. Abandonment seems to be one of the only consistencies in my life, actually. And Finally, I have this fantastic beautiful amazing lovely person that I care about and that TRUELY cares about me. I adore this person and would be lost without her. And nothing hurts me more than to watch her break. Today she sat in my passenger seat of my car and cried. And not just little sad crying, real aching aching lonely cries. Because she has been abandoned, despite you trying to tell yourself otherwise; you've left her all alone. And it is NOT alright. I am DONE sitting back and listening to her day after day, week after week, month after month, saying how much she misses you. ARE YOU BLIND? DON'T YOU CARE? I'm past the point of caring AT ALL if I seem rude, step on toes, or hurt anybody's feelings. You were her best friend. She loved you as intensely as a person can love a best friend. And not only did you leave her behind, but you replaced her. And she still loves you, so she has kept quiet as best she could. But I never learned to shut my mouth. Seriously- BROS BEFORE HOES. I don't know why this seems to be such a difficult concept for people to grasp lately. It's quite simple. Don't ditch your best friends for a girlfriend or a boyfriend. She's one more person. How hard is it to maintain a relationship? And don't say you're sorry if you don't mean it. Because honestly, it seems insincere when you've done nothing to mend your relationship with her. She was so afraid this would happen. She even told you this would happen a long time ago. And you said it wouldn't. You lied.

I feel stupid. I should have known- just like everyone else- that this would be the outcome. Instead, I stood up for you guys and defended your friendship. Now I just feel very naïve.

For the record, I'm sick of people talking about how terrible their parents treat them. I've seen my father in person about 4 or 5 times. I think about him all the time. The closest thing I had to a Dad died 3 years ago. I miss him everyday. My father told me he didn't want to talk to me any more when I was 12 because he said that he wanted to kick my Baba's ass, and since my Baba had been like a Dad, I was quick to defend his honor. He ignored me for 5 years. It would have been easier if he had died because at least then I wouldn't have to know that he didn't want me anymore. I have a great mother and I love her so much, but I never had a Daddy and there's always going to be a void from that.

Stop being my friend when it's convenient and easy for you. I'm sick of it. Make up your mind.

If your intention is for me to stick around and be a self-confidence booster for you or a third wheel, then.... you should rethink somethings. Because I'm not doing that shit anymore.

And in case you forgot, the phone works both ways.

Don't take the story about my Dad as a sob story. I don't want your fucking sympathy. I'm just saying that I'm really sick of hearing about how you all celebrated Father's Day this year. I'm not interested.

I hope none of this changes my relationships with anyone. I can only speak my mind.

But don't mistake that as an apology for what I've said. It's not. I promise.