In sweep the vampires, in creep the vampires, knee deep in vampires

Today I leave for Philly for my audition on Saturday for The University of the Arts. I'm really really excited. I'm a little nervous because Jean cancelled my voice lesson yesterday, so I didn't get a chance to perfect the harder of the two songs. However, Mama Who Bore Me is practly perfect and my monologues are really good, especially Fading Joy. I've really connected to that monologue. It's my favorite that I've ever done. I posted it in a blog a while back. I don't know why I connected to it so much. Like....it's about a loss of innocence because of a loss of virginity and her relating that back to the loss of the security of the womb. It's really symbolic and stuff and I just love doing it. Plus it's so emotionally charged because she feels scared, confused, sad, lost, guilty, and so utterly alone in the world. It's beautiful.

Sooo anyway we're driving up to my aunt's house today, then tomorrow we'll have to drive an hour and a half into the city. I'll sing and do my monologue, then hopefully get a callback where I'll have to dance and maybe sing and do the monologues again? I'm not sure. But I'm really excited. This feels right. I feel like this is the school that I'm supposed to be at. It's just so perfect. There's only a 7% acceptance rate. I have to keep telling myself that I AM good enough to get in. I AM pretty enough. I DO have a good enough personality. I DO have potential. AND I HAVE NOT PLATEAUED AS AN ACTOR, DAN KRACK. (I really don't understand that man. He fuels my self doubt, and then gives me the name of the one song that helps me tell myself that I can do this- "Die Vampire, Die." haha "fuck you miss. johnson....word." haha it's so funny and very meaningful towards the end.)

This is my first audition, and it's the only school that I really want to get into. I don't care about the rest...including NYU, which used to be my dream school. I need this. As cheesy as it sounds, I feel like everything in my life (on stage) is building up to tomorrow. It's finally my chance to do what I love in the real world. It could be the beginning of my career. I want this so bad that when I think about it, I feel sick to my stomach and want to cry because I feel such a burning desire to act. I know it sounds stupid, but it's how I've always felt about being on stage. I feel bad for people that don't love what they do as much as I love what I do. I hope tomorrow goes well. I think it will.