You smile all the time...that's how you fight it.

Yesterday was strange. I had a really bad fight with my mother. Like...really bad. I pretty much had a nervous breakdown. It was a build up of everything at work combined with her and I arguing about concert tickets and me not ever having any money and having to pay for everything. So it all hit the fan and it was bad but things are good now.

Then Kaleb's grad party. It was a lot of fun and Kaleb liked his present (I got him a ticket to Def Leopard. They're playing with Cheap Trick and Poison on July 10.) AJ was only there for 5 minutes. It's really sad that he's gone. He'll be home in three months. Hopefully I'll get to see him again then.

I dont want to go to work. I feel sick at the thought of getting ready and going to that place. At least today will be fun. Julia won't be there.

I miss you guys. I wish you'd call me.
Thanks for talking with me last night.
You're going to be okay. I promise.

...And Drift Away

I haven't written a blog in a long time. I'm still alive. Just really busy with work. I work 9-10 hour days, and by the time I get home (If I come home and don't just go straight to someone's house) I'm too tired to get on the computer. So yeah.

Work isn't terrible. Sometimes it really is. Like when Julia is making me feel like a piece of shit, I realize I'm throwing away my summer, and it hits me how much I miss my friends ALL AT ONCE, then it's pretty much the worst thing ever. Because the audience doesn't care. I still have to perform and it still has to be perfect. Some of my friends up at work aren't really friends. Brian. I know he talks about me behind my back. But whatever.

So A.J. is leaving for the Air Force at the end of the month. It's actually surprisingly upsetting. I'm really gonna miss him. It hit me the other day that I might not ever see him again. And not just him, a bunch of my friends. But I really worry about A.J. because I don't want him to get hurt. He won't be in combat but still. I'd worry about any of my friends going into the service.

Amber and I made a summer list of things to do. We're not gonna get to do any of them. I don't even see that group of people anymore. It's unfortunate, because I miss them. But I never know when they're hanging out because I don't feel comfortable inviting myself, and I'm never invited anymore so... I just really hang out with Kaleb, Sam, Melissa Rachael, Jack, Kevin, AJ, Thea, Candidia, and everyone else in that group of friends. it's cool...I mean, I enjoy myself. We laugh a lot...a lot alot. But I'd like to see my old friends too. I can't help but feeling that they're mad at me.

I miss the way things used to be. When everything was simple and nobody really cared about much beyond what everyone was doing that evening. We took it for granted. Well, at least I did I guess. But I suppose hindsight is always 20/20.