My (non)Mathematical Mind

I have no idea what to write about. Because really, blogging is a strange concept. It's like saying 'Here. I'll say what i'm thinking and put it on the internet so that everyone can read it.'

Tomorrow are the auditions for Grease. I'm not too excited about it....seeing as I have yet to sing through the song that I'm auditioning with. I think that it's partially because everyone else is so excited about it. I'd be looking foward to it if everyone was this excited about anyother musical. It pisses me off that people only care about this because it's Grease. Acting is not a hobby that you do because you think it's fun. These people are gonna get cast and not care and not be committed to it and it's gonna be frusterating. Maybe I'll rock the auditions and be cast as Rizzo...but probably not. I'm sure there's someone that will rock it. I just wanna be a pink lady...but I secretly want Rizzo. I don't think I look like her enough though.

Today at the rehearsal for my voice recital I nailed my high E. I am SO excited about it. And even better, Jean is playing the piano with me and Chelsea is on the cello (which pretty much rocks my life) and kessler is playing the drums, but we made them sound like sleigh bells. :) It makes me so happy that its just me on stage with my voice and the instruments. Its what I've always wanted. Ever since I was on the stage for the first time when I was five. I've just wanted to perform. And I always wante to sing, but I didn't think I could. I didn't think I was good enough. At Stage Right all they did was tell us to belt but didn't tell us how. I lost all confidence in myself as a singer and I'm slowly regaining it. Infact, I'm to a point that I think I want to go to college for musical theater.

I'm just so afraid that it won't work out. Because if I don't have theater then I don't have anything...if I can't do that I can't do anything. I can't remember a time when I wasn't on stage. I can't be happy unless I'm on stage. I think it's partially because I don't exactly like who I am completely. So I like to become other people and learn about them and become them and learn to love them or hate them and understand them. And besides, I really don't have anything to fall back on. If I can't act..that's it. I'm pretty much doomed to be a stripper...named sparkle or something. I don't know. And then I'm only gonna have lame stripper friends with no personality. LAME! And I'll probably like, fall off my stripper pole and die or something. So what I'm saying is that this needs to work out for me other wise I'm screwed.

Hopefully tomorrow won't be terrible since I'm underprepared. Oooooh well. :)