Drabbles for Ande :)

I wrote these drabbles for my school magazine. I hope you don't absolutely hate them :/ It took me a while to post them because I cant get on this site from school and I have the drabbles on my laptop. I finally brought my laptop home, so here they are.

Squid in a Blender.
One day I was sitting in my room minding my own business, reading a book. It was a chilly night and my room was very drafty, so I decided to light my bed on fire. It quickly spread from the blanket that had initially ignited to the rest of the blankets on the bed. Since I was warm and cozy again, I continued to read. The fire spread from my blankets throughout the rest of the room until I was surrounded by the flames. By the end of the night, my room was even draftier than it had been before.

It will surely attack if you don’t go.
As I tucked into the pancakes, I began to think about Antony, the frightened man that had spoken to me earlier that morning on the train. He had seemed worried about the creeping thing that was lurking at the back of the compartment, but he would not say why. Just then, the waiter stopped by, interrupting my thoughts, and refilled my cup of coffee. It was only then that I realized that I had been convinced to get off at the wrong stop and now I would not be able to stop by and feed Joseph, the man’s pet bulldog.

Yes, I do have a record player.
Even though I had asked the man for a glass of milk, the glass of water than he had handed me instead was cool and refreshing and I was glad to have something to drink. He took a seat across from me and stared me down with his calm brown eyes. As I took a drink from the glass, he leaned forward and stared at me intently. Finally, I realized that the water was poisoned and that the entire situation had something to do with an English professor I had fallen in love with many years ago known as Jennings.

Don’t worry, I just stubbed my toe.
You told me it wouldn’t matter if I slept on your couch or on your floor. Like any normal person, I decided to go to the kitchen and make a sandwich instead. However, your wallpaper was absolutely horrid so I left and went to your bathroom. I wish your radiator did not make such terrible noises, because then I wouldn’t have been driven to destroy it with the meat tenderizer I found under the sink. However, being the seventeenth day of the month, I was couldn’t reason with the radiator in question and decide upon a positive course of action.

That ostrich has a broken wing.
All that I wanted for Christmas was a pack of yellow number two Ticonderoga pencils. However, being the child of a lion tamer, I was instead presented with a coffee mug and a garden hose. So at the young age of fifty-two, I gave up what could have been a very promising career as an artist and instead decided to open a deli. It was only when the young man in the black mask came in and demanded all of my money that I remembered I should have gone to the circus earlier that day to feed the elephants cabbage.