Think you got me confused for a better man.

For not having checked my blog in three days, surprisingly few new blogs have been posted. I haven't been in the mood to write either though. So it's whatever. 

I have soooo so so so so much homework to do and I just cant bring myself to do it. I'm supposed to read the first five sections in Alive...and so far, it's pretty boring. I have to do a sketch of my foot, which I plan on doing tonight right before I go to sleep, write two speeches on paintings I've hardly studied, and do two paintings. Shit, and my value figure drawing. Damnnn....

I got a new phone, so I've just been playing with that and listening to music on my lappy.

I've been looking for the soundtrack to Tuck Everlasting for years. and the CD is out of print. Well, they have a copy of it at CD Warehouse for like, $70 bucks. I wish it wasn't so expensive....

Friday night was a lot of fun. A bunch of people went to this girl's house and we were hanging out and watch the Pens game and stuff. I got really sick though, so I had to go home.

You know, it's really strange, but I'm really gonna miss my old phone. I was like, emotionally attached to it. I had old texts saved from my friends that I'd go through that would make me smile. "oh shit don't say anything...nevermind idoit." "I'm lurking like a creep." "Theater people cate, you're one of them." "I know! That's what I said. ugh I'm so mad I'm not gonna sleep till christmas" "you were great" "thanks one love" "I think you have a really pretty voice, so Chuck can stick it." "I think we should fight, like physically. It's the only way." "From this moment on, we're practically soul mates." "Goodnight lovely. Sweet dreams." "You're my hero." Like, I still know most of them off by heart, but still. I dunno. Most of them had to do with someone I care about telling me they loved me. So they were there for reassurance. It's stupid. But I'll miss them.

I hate when you hear a good song and make a mental note of the lyrics so you can look it up later but then don't remember them. I heard the coolest lyrics friday night and I have no idea what they were.

I think Brian is coming up for a little this afternoon. I miss him so much. I'm so worried about him. He hasn't been going to classes lately. We need to have cate brian time. 

My back still hurts from that damn bison this summer. 

My grandma is doing a lot better. She's been moved to a nursing home and is recovering. Sooo that's good. I like her roommate a lot. She's very nice. She told me she thinks I'll be the next Ron Howard. :)

Friday afternoon I was driving around Brant King and Zach Pope and I saw a really old woman driving a red VW bug. I was so confused I literally almost wrecked the car because I was staring after her. hahaha

I've got electric light. And I got second sight.

I'm pushing myself to the limit. 

My body is sick and exhausted.

My mind is getting there too.

Why am I acting like this?

Please tell me you love me. 

Into my own parade, cast your dancing spell my way

Tomorrow I'm going to Philly to look at a college. I'm excited. I like it a lot. 

For the last time with feeling, we'll try not to smile.

I don't understand why some people that are surrounded by people can think they're alone. Open your fucking eyes. Everyone WORSHIPS you. You could do no wrong. You're so delusional, it's exhausting.

Whatever make you happy. Whatever you want.

Don't all the thoughts going around and around in your head drive you crazy? Don't you think it would be easier on your brain to voice them?

These people aren't your friends, they're paid to kiss your feet.

I feel like I could be run over by a car and nobody would even care.

I need a little room to breathe.

Did I do something wrong? Because lately it seems like you've been distancing yourself from me. Which is fine...I just wonder why.

I'll pack my bags, I swear I'll run- I wish my friends were 21.

I don't do anything anymore. I don't hang out with anyone. I just stay home. 

You're not the only one but you're the best Bradley.

Yesterday I remembered how much I loved music from the 60s. I'd forgotten and replaced it. It used to be all I would listen to. I missed it. 

When logic and proportion have fallen sloppy dead.

I used to like my personality a lot more than I do now.

I'm not sleepy and there is no place I'm going to.

I'm ripe with things to say. The words rot and fall away.

Kayaking was a ton of fun.

So was not being in school for the past two days.

I'm toying with the idea of not going tomorrow either. Because I STILL haven't done my psych homework. I tried...I had to give my mom a personality test but she screwed up all the test results by rating everything backwards so what should have taken like, 5 minutes took like, 30.

After we were done kayaking, we were allowed to walk around Saltsburg for a half an hour. It was such a bizarre little town. It reminded me of what I imagined the town in Children of the Corn to look like. Very small and everything is out of business and out of date.

Nobody flipped their boats, so I consider the day to be a success.

Then on the way home we asked our bus driver to delay our return to school for as long as he could. So he took us to McDonald's and offered to buy us all Sundaes.

Yesterday I got The Bends on vinyl. And I had lunch at Penera bread. 

I really do need to do my homework. Because if all goes well, I am not gonna want to do it after six. 

I just want to go to the Warhol tomorrow. 

According to facebook, I will date someone named Mitch who plays lacrosse. Hm. I don't see it happening.

I miss summer. I miss being with Brian and Andie all the damn time. I miss shenanigans up at the A frame with Justin and Brian and the Erics. I DO NOT miss Julia and feeling abandoned by my other friends. I miss being on stage seven times a day. I miss not having school and waking up at 10 at the earliest on days that I had to work. Buuuuut at the same time, thank God it's over.

I need time to stop. Because I have so much that I need to do and I'm running out of time. 

We look like we just got here, but we've been here all night

I asked my mom for a membership card to the Carnegie Museums of Pittsburgh because I love going to museums and I think I want to go to them more often. My mother responded by telling me how materialistic I am and stupid. She told me how I never go to museums so there's no point in wasting $75 dollars to get membership to museums that I don't ever go to. I tried explaining to her that the reason I don't go is because she never lets me drive to Pittsburgh and that if I had free admission I would go all the time. Then she started off on some fucked up tangent about how I should just get a new family because I don't like her anyway. So I just told her that she was right and that I would move out if I could, and now she's all upset and not talking to me. I told her I didn't care. It's ridiculous that she's willing to buy me things that I don't want or need, but when I ask for something for an early Christmas present that I want, she yells at me for spending too much money. Sorry that I can't get a job. It's not like I'm not trying. I've applied everywhere, including McDonald's and Walmart. And even if I did get a job, I don't know how I would make it fit into my schedule between the play and school.

She also told me that I shouldn't bother getting membership because I wouldn't have anyone to go with since I don't have any friends. 

Ugly words: April, cute, laborer, extinct, furlough, umbrella, lichen, laser, hoary

Pretty words: syrup, waterfall, implication, lacerate, devastate, lucid, ambivalence, grotesque

I can't decide how I feel about the word doldrums. 

I reorganized my spare bedroom into a fancy tea room. I'm gonna repaint it because right now it's this ugly light pink. And everything has roses on it. I don't know what color it will be. But I'm excited about it. It's either gonna be purple or really bright pink. And I need new wallpaper because I think it's easier to put more wallpaper up on top of the old stuff than to just take it down. 

While I was looking for a song lyric to put as my title, I stumbled across the quote "Our hearts are drunk with a beauty our eyes could never see" by George William Russell. I like it. It reminded me of "It is only with the heart that one can see rightly. What is essential is invisible to the eyes." from the little prince.

I don't want to do my homework. I don't have anyone to administer my personality tests to for psych. If I wasn't kayaking on tuesday, I'd just skip tomorrow. I'm skipping thursday and going to pittsburgh I think to the warhol. One of these fridays or saturdays I'm gonna go to the laser show at the iMax. It sounds pretty cool.

Idle Kids With Idle Hearts

I've spent my whole day drinking tea. I was cleaning out the closet in the dining room, getting rid of some old stuff we don't eat, I came across my good earl grey from Williamsburg. Oh my god...it's so good. It made me realize though that I need to get a good tea pot. Because I have some really nice tea cups and stuff, but I only have a crappy little tea pot, and it's pretty small. I wanna get a kettle too. 

My mom takes the keys to my car and hides them so she can make sure that I don't go anywhere and stay home and clean. The only problem I see with this is that, 1. I want to go to Aldie's and get shortbread cookies and 2. In the event of the zombie apocalypse, I'd be boned.

I want to do something fun today. Yesterday was fun for a little. Then not. haha.

I've done a little nothing, and I'll probably end up doing nothing later. Maybe I'll do something in between. I hope so.

I have a lot to do this weekend. I hope I can get it all done. I can't seem to get started though.

Diving too deep for coins

So I talked to Shane last night and made light of the fact that homecoming he acted like he really lked me and now he...doesn't. And he responded with 

'yeah. so?'

sooo I guess that's the end of that. 

That's bullshit.

Now it's gonna be weird as hell when I hang out with those guys. Great.

Whatever. It doesn't matter I suppose.

Rule.

I need out of here.