Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise.

I remember when Katie and I were in french class in 9th or 10th grade and we were talking about Dave. He was going somewhere and he had to leave early in the morning, and she woke up at the same time and just sat there curled in a ball under her covers. Jesse woke up around four this morning. So did I. I've been laying in bed listening to the CD I made him. I didn't know why I woke up so suddenly, but when I checked my facebook just now, he'd written on my wall an hour before when he was in the hotel lobby on his way to catch his plane. It made me think of when Katie woke up so she could be awake with Dave. I'm glad I was with Jess this morning.

I got less than four hours of sleep last night, but no matter what I do, I can't go back to sleep. I feel so ridiculous for acting like this. I can't help it. I'm trying so hard to be brave but it's hard without Jeese to hold my hand and help me along the way. The thought of going to work and not seeing him after my shift is over is so upsetting. My bed feels so empty without him laying next to me. I'm used to rolling over and seeing him next to me, his huge shoulders like a mountain, and his feet hanging off the end of the bed, and his face totally calm and peaceful. I'm used to rolling over into big arms that tighten around me and hold me against his warm body. I rolled over to a cold bed today and an old shirt that still smells faintly of him.

When we first started dating, he asked me if this sort of life was what I really wanted. I don't, really, but I do want him. I just didn't expect it to be this hard. I wish summer was over. I've never wanted fall to come so bad. And it's only day 1 of 94.