I hate who I've become.
I hate who I've become.
I hate who I've become.
I hate what I've become.
I hate what I've become.
I hate what I've become.
I hate what I've become.
If I could go back I would change so many things. So so so so many little things. Things that I didn't comprehend would come back to haunt me later. There is so much I regret. And I can't ever change it.
I always wondered why I didn't feel guilty at the time or right after. It's because all the guilt, pain, hatred, and shame was all building up for RIGHT NOW.
I need to get away. I need to go somewhere where people don't know me. I want to be someone new. Somewhere where I can decide who I want to be for the rest of my life.
Hate is a really strong word.
If someone were to ask me if I hated someone, I'd tell them that I don't hate anyone.
That isn't necessarily true if I'm being honest.
Once, Theresa called me some pretty terrible things when we were arguing.
Later, she told me she didn't mean them and that she'd just said them out of anger.
I think she was dead on.
I don't care if you believe me or not. I have had many, many, many "I hate who I am" moments...days...weeks...months...even years. I could not find peace within myself no matter where I looked.
ReplyDeleteIf you want the nice answer, I will tell you that I love you for who you are and everything will be okay.
If you want the honest answer, I will tell you that I love you for who you are and Isaiah 26:3 says, "You will keep perfect peace, all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you!" You have to trust that I never believed this. I found it very hard, almost impossible to believe this.
I didn't believed it until I tested it and found out that He is truly the Prince of Peace. I found my hope in Him. I have nothing else to live for.
I want you to find the same thing I have found. It's indescribably wonderful.